using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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