im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
