I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize