Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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