Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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