Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
