That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
