you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Sacagawea was the original milf.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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