My liver just broke up with me...
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
