You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
