If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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