What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
