I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
