Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Hippo gnu deer
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
