I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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