it's like iHOP with fire
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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