i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
