i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
