I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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