This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
that is very illegal...i love you.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
