Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
