I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
