i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
