it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
