i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
