Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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