Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
