Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
