this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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