He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
