His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
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Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
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You need a sexual gate keeper
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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