3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Randomize
