Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
