I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
