Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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