My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
