You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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