Just mADE A PArabola og urine
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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