dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
