Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
