Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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