Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
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