I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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