I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
