I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
