Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
