Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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