we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
