Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
