I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
