my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
