now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
