She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
My legs feel like baby dolphins
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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