I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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