I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize