i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
