i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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