The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
