I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
