I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
