ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
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