I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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