I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
