Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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