I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
We are all done wearing pants today
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
