Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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